One of many reasons for your hard knocks in life causing anxiety, depression, while slashing your self-esteem, are from seeing something or someone, with fantasy eyes.  This means that you have a fantasy idea of a relationship,  person, job, business, or something of high value to you.  It can be risky to your well-being as your viewpoint is one of, more pleasure than pain.

In Dr Demartini’s words, ‘you put a person on a pedestal (the fantasy) and you put yourself in the pits.  No one deserves to be put on a pedestal and no one deserves to be put in the pits either’.

They say love is blind, I say instead, fantasy is blind©

The pleasure (fantasy) is far more beneficial than looking at the pain.  By this, I mean that the benefits are serving you more.  More than facing, let’s say loneliness, heartbreak, insecurity, admitting the truth, or possibly uncertainty of the future.  So you live life hoping that it will stay pleasurable, which in fact, is impossible. There will be consequences to face when you ignore pain. You and others could get hurt emotionally by ignoring the pain.  When it catches up with you, the pain is usually ten times worse because you once chose to ignore it.

My experience of putting people on a pedestal and having a fantasy idea of a business

My low self-worth led me to put my partners on a pedestal and myself in the pits in relationships and in business. This is what I experienced from a business perspective.

Following the fantasy of having my own shop, seemed easy and pleasurable. I could only ever see the upside and not the downside.  And by doing this I had failed businesses, wasted a lot of money, and so my self-esteem deteriorated.  It was sorely disappointing and I beat myself up with my self-talk. The fantasy ideas of what I thought my business should be like, was an expensive and hard lesson to learn.

In reviewing my actions and causes of my actions, I had to stop doing this.  The learning eventually sunk in.  This realisation opened my eyes to see, that it would have been easier for me to look at the pain and face it at the time, rather than ignore it.

What you can do

Review both sides in everything and everyone, then decide if you can accept both sides.  This is what makes a relationship stronger.  It makes a business or job stronger. And more importantly, it makes you stronger.

If you find it hard to face hurt, pain or you are a people pleaser and put everyone on a pedestal and put yourself in the pits, it’s time to review the causes behind your actions. If, from this blog, you have realised that these are all the things you do, and now you are anxious, depressed, and have low self-esteem, book for one free session.  Transformation coaching has the proven tools to help you feel like a new person again, feel lighter, and move forward in a better state of mind for your well-being.