As a Life Coach in Johannesburg, I often meet clients with low confidence who wonder why they keep choosing the wrong kind of partner or friend. I was also once drawn to those who appeared confident, arrogant, macho, and loud.
What really happens in these relationships is painful but simple: one person gives, the other takes, and both end up resentful. Instead of adding value to your own life, you pour your energy into others, hoping they will change. When you chase someone to prove a point, you shift your focus outward and abandon your inner world.
Psychologists agree that attraction to emotionally unavailable or dominant personalities often stems from childhood patterns. Research from the American Psychological Association (APA) shows that unresolved attachment wounds can lead to repeated attraction to those who mirror past emotional experiences, especially rejection or neglect.
Giving Too Much
When you over-give, it’s usually because you crave validation. You believe that if you love enough, fix enough, or prove enough, you’ll finally be valued. But over-giving leads to exhaustion, resentment, low confidence and emotional burnout. The more you give, the more the taker expects, and the cycle continues.
Taking Too Much
Those who constantly take often avoid responsibility. It’s easier to receive than to give. Deep down, this behaviour stems from low self-esteem and fear of rejection. They wear confidence and raised self-esteem like a mask, but beneath it lies insecurity. In time, this imbalance erodes trust and respect on both sides.
Resentment and Reality
Resentment grows when you misjudge people wearing masks. You ignore the signs because you want to believe you can help or heal them. The result is emotional strain, confusion, and a slow erosion of self-worth and self-confidence.
Seeing the Truth and Adding Value to Your Life
True healing begins when you stop chasing, rescuing, or proving, and start adding value to your own life first. When you grow from within, you naturally attract relationships built on balance, respect, and mutual growth.
The Life Coaching Techniques are uniquely successful in helping reveal the unconscious patterns behind attraction to a relationship that can destroy you because one is over-giving and the other over-demanding in taking. This powerful process uncovers generational dynamics that shape your choices and helps restore balance in love and self-worth.
Book a one free life coaching session in Johannesburg today and start rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem. Then you can have loving, balanced, lasting relationships. As well as a life based on authenticity and self-value.
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