Low self-esteem is often created through the habit of people-pleasing — a behaviour that slowly chips away at your sense of identity. You begin to lose yourself, forget who you are, and disconnect from your own needs, desires, and truth. People-pleasing may seem harmless or even noble on the surface, but underneath it lies a desperate yearning: a longing for validation, for recognition, for approval from the outside world.
When you depend on external validation to feel good about yourself, you start seeking control over your outside world — trying to shape circumstances, environments, and even people’s opinions in your favour. But here’s the paradox: the more you try to control your outside world, the more out of control your inner world becomes. That’s because you have no control over what happens outside of you. And the harder you try to grasp it, the more overwhelmed, anxious, and emotionally exhausted you feel.
This constant striving to be everything to everyone drains you. It pulls you further away from your authentic self, leaving you unfulfilled — and sometimes even questioning the very meaning or purpose of your life. In an attempt to fill the growing void within, you may throw yourself into work or a relationship, giving it everything you’ve got. But when even that doesn’t soothe the emptiness, it leads to burnout, emotional fatigue, and a sense of despair.
At the root of people-pleasing is a deeply embedded belief that you are not good enough. Behind that belief are even more painful ones:
- I’m useless
- I’m hopeless
- I’m not worthy
- I’m not lovable
These aren’t truths — they are conditioned, learned beliefs that often stem from childhood wounds, trauma, or years of societal programming. And the more these beliefs run like silent programs in the background of your mind, the more they shape your reality. They become the lens through which you see the world and yourself.
But here’s the good news: you can change these beliefs.
Healing begins when you become aware of the stories you’ve been telling yourself. When you bring consciousness to those conditioned thoughts, you can choose differently. You can release what no longer serves you. You can begin to rebuild your self-worth from the inside out.
As you let go of the need to please, you create space for something greater — for your self-esteem to grow with self-love, for authenticity, for peace of mind. You start setting boundaries not out of fear, but from a place of self-respect. You stop overreacting to life’s challenges and instead respond with clarity and intention. Most importantly, you begin to remember who you are. You come home to yourself. Click here and contact me today for one free 45-minute discovery session.
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