Whether I see clients with Low Self-esteem or anger management, I often find similarities in the causes. Similarities can be: not being able to express yourself; feeling not good enough; you feel that you are not heard or not seen; not being acknowledged; comparing you to others and not being assertive enough. Amongst others, these are a few that foster negative feelings.
It’s a path you may not even realise you are on. The thoughts run like computer programs without you even realizing it. They pop up randomly in your mind and you actually respond to the voice telling you that you are not good enough, that you are useless, that you will amount to nothing. Self-doubt initiates bad decision making and overall your self-esteem drops and possibly around the same time, you become angry while not understanding why this is happening to you.
You judge yourself because you feel the need to protect yourself. You fear that someone might see your faults. And therefore, it is easier to see your own faults so you are prepared. You can fix your mistakes quickly before you are exposed or become vulnerable. This way you won’t look foolish, or not intelligent enough which allows you to avoid sticky or uncomfortable situations.
When looking at the downside of judging yourself you find that:
- You try harder to avoid mistakes, yet you make more mistakes;
- Feel horrible about yourself when judging yourself;
- By your own judgment, you possibly feel like an ugly person;
- Often find yourself, second-guessing your decisions which makes you feel trapped;
- Judging yourself only makes doubting yourself worse. Affecting you and no one else;
- You overthink unnecessarily which can keep you awake at night;
- It can make you feel demotivated;
These are just a few examples of why judging yourself has an adverse effect on you.
5 Easy Steps To Stop Judging Yourself
- Be aware of your thoughts. The more you become aware of your thoughts, the more you will catch yourself judging yourself, and you can stop the thoughts;
- Realise that you are the only one doing this to yourself. You have friends and family who love you and don’t see you as the person that you make yourself out to be. Take their compliments and see yourself as they see you, and more;
- Learn to quiet the mind through mindfulness meditation. This helps you to be more aware of your thoughts and you can stop that the thoughts that don’t serve you;
- If you were bullied before, realise that those bullies have their own insecurities and have projected them onto you without realizing it. Find compassion for them and forgive them and let it go;
- Write down every day, at least three things you did right. This will stop you from focusing on what you find wrong about yourself. And instead, focus on what you have done right. This will elevate your self-esteem once again and reduce the anger;
We all have an innate strength inside of us
and with this strength, you can stop judging yourself which has led you to low self-esteem and possibly even anger requiring anger management. As a Transformation Life Coach in Johannesburg, you may want help to work through this and together we can declutter in grace. You can find acceptance for yourself once again and have a calm sense of assurance of who you are once again. You will feel confident, happy, peaceful, content, calm, and have peace of mind once again.
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